Deeper spiritual meaning of intimacy: Seven things to learn about sex in marriage today. Number one, sex is for pleasure. Nowhere in the Genesis verse we read, nowhere in the 1 Corinthians text we read, and nowhere in the Song of Solomon are kids mentioned anywhere. Kids are a wonderful byproduct, and procreation is a byproduct of pleasure, but it’s not the only purpose for which God gave us the gift of sex. Sex stands on its own two feet as a gift of pleasure in and of itself that God gave a husband and wife to experience whether or not it produces children. Sex is for pleasure. Sex is for knowledge. The Bible oftentimes uses, you know, Adam knew his wife Eve, or Abraham knew Sarah, that word, that Hebrew word for knowledge, as a way to express marital intercourse and sexual intercourse.
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It’s saying that there’s a unique kind of depth of knowledge that comes with sexual intimacy. It’s saying that there’s a unique kind of depth of knowledge that comes with sexual intimacy that comes with nothing else, which is why you save it only for those you’re in a covenant relationship with. Because if I’m vulnerable at the most intimate level of my being with someone who has no obligation to even call me back the next day, that will be destructive to me as a person. Listen actually to how one pastor said it. If you have sex outside of marriage, you will have to steel yourself against sex’s power to soften your heart toward another person and make you more trusting. The problem is that sex is for pleasure.
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If you have sex outside of marriage, sex eventually will lose its covenant-making power for you, even if you one day do get married. Ironically, then, sex outside of marriage eventually works backwards, making you less able to commit and trust another person. There’s a kind of knowledge that God has said should be reserved for only that which you are, the person you are covenantly connected to. It’s a kind of knowledge that you can share and be vulnerable with and be safe with a person who says, ‘come hell or high water, I’m not going anywhere.’ Sex is for intimacy. Sex is for cultivating servanthood. Here’s the cool thing about sex. It doesn’t work unless you’re serving the other. Sex is hot and wonderful and pleasurable and incredible, where there are two servants out serving the other.
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When it’s one servant and one taker or two takers, it’s damned for destruction. That’s why marriages implode, and we go from partner to partner to partner because you can’t have a fulfilling sexual experience when you’re there only to take and not to give. God designed it. It’s not a design flaw. It’s a design feature. It’s a design feature. It’s a design feature. It only works and gets better when you’re there to serve the other’s needs. It’s magical. It’s mysterious. It’s borderline miraculous. It’s counterintuitive, and it works. Sex cultivates servanthood. Sex is mutual, not manipulative. As I’ve said before, I’ll say it again. If you ever, ever, ever use it to manipulate or as a chip to bargain with, repent. That will kill your marriage. Number five, sex brings comfort.
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That’s hard and harsh and stressful and difficult and broken. God gave this gift to husbands and wives so they can experience a mini-vacation that’s more revitalizing and rejuvenating than a month in Mexico. And God gave it mental, physiological, physical, biological, chemical, hormonal, and relational benefits when it’s being exercised and enjoyed. It’s remarkable. It changes over time with age. It’s always incredible. It’s always amazing and incredible. The husband and wife are working together. It brings comfort. Husbands had a hard day, stressful day. Wives, you have an ability like nobody else to turn your day around and vice versa, husbands and wives. Number six, sex cultivates unity and renews the covenant. Sex is a unifying mechanism. And so if you connect and disconnect and connect and disconnect from different people, you’re hurting them and yourself.
And you’re lowering your ability to connect meaningfully with your spouse one day because it’s a connecting agent. nAnd the more you dull your soul to its connecting power, as the pastor said, you’re actually working against this power to connect you to your spouse in the future. nEvery time you come together with your spouse, it’s renewing the covenant. So they made covenants in the Old Testament, and then they would throw parties with meals as a ceremony. And they would host those parties annually to remind themselves of the covenant and renew their memory. And so it’s a unifying mechanism. And so it’s a unifying mechanism. And so it’s a memory of the importance of it. God gave marriage a covenant renewal party, and it’s called sex, and it should be used as much as needed to remind the husband and the wife of how important and precious this marriage covenant is that they’re in.
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If your covenant is waning and growing cold and stale, covenant renewal could bring it back to life. And lastly, sex wages spiritual warfare. We meet with lots of pastors, and oftentimes young pastors, and they’re like, ‘I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.’ And they’re expecting, ‘Read your Bible more, pray more, sit in the front row and cheer, lead worship, volunteer at the office.’ And my wife’s like, ‘lots of sex.’ And they’re like, ‘oh.’ And she’s like, ‘Yep, pretty simple. She’s like, you are going to the front line. And if this area is lacking your marriage, it’s a vulnerability that’s almost impossible to avoid being taken out with.’ If you go to the frontline, shield down, shield down, shield down, shield down, this area, you’re toast, which is why pastors get to ask awkward questions.
We have yet to hire someone on staff, or we don’t at some point go with a husband and wife present there; hey, talk to us about your physical relationship. And if we don’t hear some form of frequent, fun, and free, we say, let’s take hiring, put it on the side, and talk about your marriage for a minute because we’re not going to bring you to the frontline of mission with that shield down, because we will guarantee you’re going to get taken out. This is one way that a husband and wife can wage spiritual warfare by enjoying God’s good design and saying to the enemy, ‘You don’t get to take what we have.’ We will honour God with our bodies, and we will resist the flaming arrows of the tempter by partaking in the better plan of God.
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Or as the proverb says, ‘Hey, thirsting for water isn’t bad; just make sure you go to your well.’ And by going to your own well, you won’t be tempted to drink out of other cisterns that hold no water and are brackish in their flavour, but you convince yourself it tastes better because it’s exciting. It’s one of the primary ways that a husband and wife can participate in spiritual warfare is to ensure that covenants are renewed as they enjoy the gift of sex and live under the blessing of the law of marriage. Hey, everybody. I hope you found that helpful. If you would like to watch the sermon that the clip came from, you can go here and check it out. Also, if you’d like to watch more Bible teaching, you can go to my YouTube channel, and you can find me on my YouTube channel, and you can find me on my YouTube channel. And if you would like more free resources for your family, your marriage, and how to be a stronger man, you can go to strongmanation. com. Check it out.
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